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Childhood Trauma for Adults

In the early 80s, Pia Mellody designed therapeutic techniques for treating trauma. She developed a treatment model called Post-Induction Therapy (PIT) — Developmental Immaturity Model. The premise of this model is that relational trauma in childhood is one of the root causes of developmental immaturity. This model identifies and treats underlying childhood trauma and relational trauma, which is at the root of most addictive and dysfunctional behaviors.

This model is offered in individual therapy, as well as Reclaiming Your Power weekend trauma workshops. The initial focus is on the Five Core Issues of developmental immaturity, which are Self-Esteem, Boundaries, Reality, Dependency and Moderation, with psycho-education and written work. You will learn about your Family of Origin issues and identify any “less than nurturing” experiences, and how these affect your adult life and your relationships. You will then be guided by a therapist through specific processes, developed by Pia Mellody, to assist you in identifying specific traumatic events, which will help you live in the present and not the past. This nurturing experience will allow you to heal painful traumatic events. The last process, guided by a therapist, allows you to Find Your Voice to express and release painful emotions. You will learn new strategies to continue to use Your Voice with yourself and in relationships, enabling you to live in the present.

Pia Mellody’s groundbreaking books, Facing Codependence and The Intimacy Factor, briefly discuss how childhood wounds can set you up for depression, anxiety, addictions and difficulties in your relationships. Taking the first steps to enter therapy and do this work will literally change your life.

Conflict Resolution

We all have moments of frustration, whether they be associated with a friend, a family member, or a disagreement in your everyday life, but there are several positive strategies to utilize when it comes to dealing with conflict.

 

What qualifies as a conflict?

According to the Office of Human Resource Development at the University of Wisconsin-Madison, conflict is understood by analyzing various behaviors and the consequences each behavior produces on individuals living the dilemma.

  • Avoidance: This is the person who wishes to ignore the problem and will allow it to dissipate or squander. Unfortunately, quite the contrary is happening in this situation. The problem then swells under the surface until it’s no longer avoidable and must be addressed.

  • Standing your Ground: People who use this technique may appear controlling and aggressive in their means of communication. They fear not having their needs met if they don’t set the rules and direct the conversation.

  • Surrendering: Often perceived as the diplomat, the person using this tactic concedes to the needs of others. They place the needs and opinions of others on their own because preserving the relationship(s) is the ultimate goal.   

  • Compromise/Sacrifice: This method is a sort of concession and, while it seems to be a good route to take, it’s not the best approach. People in this category make a sequence of tradeoffs which means they are focusing on what they want as opposed to understanding the other’s viewpoint.  

  • Collaborate: People who practice collaboration care about win-win solutions. This simply means that they scout common aspirations and needs, to where every party knows their opinions and feeling are important and are going to be heard. This style needs a lot of cooperation, assertiveness and communication among the parties.

 

Ultimately, understanding your wants and needs and your behavior patterns will establish internal insight. You will have a better understanding of not just yourself, but for others around you and how situations may or may not unfold. This knowledge will give you preliminary tools for conflict resolution.

Couples Counseling

I mainly work with couples from the lens of my training with Terrance Real and his Relational Life Therapy. With this type of therapy, it is much more directive and gives many tools to use. We work on figuring out your relational "dance" and then attempt to intervene on that level so we can make changes across the board and not only resolve one issue on the surface. Oftentimes these couples are on the brink of divorce and have one foot (or more) out the door. 

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BUT that doesn't mean I only work with couples in crisis! I love working with couples at any stage because I believe this stuff works and I want to share it with as many couples as possible before they reach the point of calling it quits. I work with couples who are:

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  • Engaged or considering whether to get engaged and begin a marriage. 

  • Newlyweds who have discovered that maintaining a healthy relationship after a year or two of marriage takes work! 

  • Dry and stuck. Couples who have developed a rut with caring for kids and want to revitalize the connection they once had. 

  • Dealing with infidelity. Trust has been broken, but it can be repaired and intimacy can be restored. 

  • Traumatized. Where one or both partners has unresolved trauma that is showing up in the relationship, and they're finally ready to deal with it. 

  • Healthy already and want to keep investing in their relationship to build even better communication and long-lasting intimacy.  

  • Not a couple! I see individuals all the time to develop relationship skills. Whether your partner is unwilling to participate in therapy or you don't have a partner at the moment, this methodology will make you better at relating, which will improve every relationship you a part of. 

Depression and Anxiety

Depression commonly manifests physically, through stomach pains, headaches, disrupted or excessive sleep, and motor control difficulty. While the causes of depression are unknown, a predisposition for it runs in families and it can be triggered by trauma and adverse life circumstances. Depression is diagnosed more frequently in women and tends to display differently in women than in men.

People tend to suffer higher rates of depression after giving birth and in late fall. Depression and anxiety often exacerbate each other and people with depression commonly have difficulty concentrating on tasks and conversations. Some people abuse alcohol and drugs or overeat as a way of coping, causing them to develop other medical problems. Depressed people are also at increased risk for self-harm.

Depression is a mental illness which is characterized by prolonged emotional symptoms including:

  • Apathy

  • Sadness

  • Guilt

  • Exhaustion

  • Irritability

Diagnosing depression involves a psychiatric evaluation and physical tests to determine whether a person’s symptoms are actually being caused by a different disorder. A person must have been experiencing symptoms for at least two weeks to be diagnosed with depression. Every case is unique and requires individual attention, but there are a number of effective complementary ways of treating depression, including:

  • Talk therapy

  • Medication

  • Adopting a healthier lifestyle

Grief and Loss

Throughout the course of our years, we all experience a loss at some point in our lives. In fact, statistics show that 1 in 5 children will experience the death of someone close to them before 18 years of age. Feelings of grief and loss are not always associated with death, however, but commonly surface after a loss of some kind – whether it is the loss of a loved one, a severed relationship, a pregnancy, a pet, or a job.

When a person loses something or someone valuable to them, feelings of grief can be overbearing. Grief can leave a person feeling sad, hopeless, isolated, irritable, and numb by affecting them mentally, emotionally, and physically. It’s important to understand that healing from grief is a process and everyone copes with this emotion differently.

Many people don’t know what to say or do when a person is grieving, but be sure to have patience with the individual (including yourself) throughout the entire process.

 

An alternative treatment method includes psychotherapy. Through psychotherapy, a patient may:

  • Improve coping skills

  • Reduce feelings of blame and guilt

  • Explore and process emotions

 

Consider seeking professional support if feelings of grief do not ease over time.

Intimacy and Relationship Issues

Intimacy problems widely occur behind a variety of closed doors. Conflicts may include a loss of harmony between the sheets, a lack of sexual desire between either partners or failure in communication. There are often psychological factors that may contribute to a sexual disorder such as erectile dysfunction, or a lowered desire after a new mother has given birth. Intimacy issues are common, but if one or more become severe and there is no resolution in sight, it may be time to seek therapy for guidance.

 

What Makes a Satisfactory Relationship?

  • Trust

  • Mindfulness

  • Mutual Respect

  • Communication

 

Some of the signs that sex problems are affecting a relationship include:

  • Disappointment in oneself or the relationship

  • One or both partners are feeling dissatisfied

  • Couples lack communication and disconnect from one another

  • One or both partners feel neglected or unwanted

  • A feeling of sexual boredom or unhappiness

 

Steps to take for treating intimacy issues begin with:

  • Psychosexual Therapy: this technique allows couples to express themselves in a safe environment with a trusted and supportive professional.

  • Relationship Counseling: healthy relationships require strong connections and time to build trust. Whatever the issue may be, a counselor can work with individuals together or separately to overcome the problem.

Panic Attacks and Panic Disorder

Panic attacks are brief episodes of extreme fear. They may be mistaken for heart attacks or strokes, but are actually psychological rather than physical. Panic attacks can occur suddenly and usually peak within ten minutes. Most panic attacks end within 20 to 30 minutes.

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Some symptoms include:

  • Chills

  • Nausea

  • Sweating

  • Chest pain

  • Palpitations

  • Shaking

  • Feelings of suffocation

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Sometimes panic attacks are isolated incidents, but if a person has had at least two panic attacks and lives in fear of having another, they may have panic disorder. A panic attack can happen without an obvious cause, but people with panic disorder may develop phobias related to something they associate with panic attacks, including open spaces, and large crowds.

Panic disorder is classified as an anxiety disorder, and like other forms of anxiety, it is commonly treated with a combination of therapy, medications, and healthy lifestyle changes. Anxiety patients are also encouraged to do breathing exercises, get regular exercise, and to avoid stimulants.

Parenting Support

Being a parent carries a lot of responsibility, and the process can be difficult at times. Whether you are married or single, you may have feelings as though you are on your own, especially if you are dealing with a difficult situation or behavior issues with your child. It’s important to address these problems, and seeking the help of a therapist and/or parent support group can alleviate the stress.

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Why is parenting support necessary?

Sometimes a parent needs guidance when reinforcing rules and setting boundaries for a child. If a person is going through a divorce, this can affect a child or children involved. Each of this issues can affect a family unit, and its important that you don’t weather the storm alone. Parent support can assist with improving parenting skills, as well as relationships between the parent and child.

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What does parenting support look like?

  • Therapy can be in the form of one-on-one sessions with a therapist, or may involve family/couples counseling. Support can be helpful if you have children who are struggling or if you are wanting to work on not passing down negative family traits. 

Phobias

Encountering certain obstacles or situations may leave one frightened, such as being afraid of the dark, high heights, or animals. Most of us are able to remain calm, rationalize the situation, and find a way around it,  but this doesn’t work everyone. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, more than 10 million adults live with some kind of phobia.

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What is a phobia?

Phobias, according to the American Psychological Association, are intense fears that result in distress and can be intrusive. Individuals with this anxiety disorder have an irrational fear of things that don’t pose any real threat.

Here are a few examples of common phobias:

  • Arachnophobia, which is the fear of spiders

  • Acrophobia, this is the fear of heights 

  • Agoraphobia, which is the fear of being in a situation you can’t escape from

The American Psychiatric Association simplified the symptoms into two points:

  • An out-of-proportion reaction, as well as the age playing a role in being inappropriate

  • The individual’s capability to behave normally is compromised

 

Treatment options

I have been trained in Eye-Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART), Somatic Experiencing (SE) and Adaptive Internal Relational Network (AIR Network). Each of these models work well in treating different issues related to trauma. 

Stress Management

Everyone encounters stress during their lives at one point—never-ending bills, demanding schedules, work, and family responsibilities—and that can make stress seem inescapable and uncontrollable. Stress management skills are designed to help a person take control of their lifestyle, thoughts, and emotions and teach them healthy ways to cope with their problems.

Find the Cause

The first step in stress management is identifying your stressors. While this sounds fairly easy—it’s not hard to point to major changes or a lot of work piling up—chronic stress can be complicated, and most people don’t realize how their habits contribute to their stress. Maybe work piling up isn’t from the actual demands of your job, but more so from your procrastination. You have to claim responsibility for your role in creating your stress or you won’t be able to control it.

Strategies for Stress Management

Once you’ve found what causes your stress, focus on what you can control. Eliminate realistic stressors and develop consistent de-stressing habits. Instead of watching TV or responding to texts in bed after work - take a walk, or read a book. Maintaining a healthy diet, exercising regularly, and getting enough quality sleep, will ease feelings of stress and help you relax.

Also, make a conscious effort to set aside time for yourself and for relaxation. Alone time can be whatever you need it to be. Some people like doing activities such as tai chi, yoga, or meditation, but you can also treat yourself to something simple, like taking a bubble bath, listening to music, or watching a funny movie.

Finally, don’t feel like you have to solve your stress alone. Reach out to your family and friends. Whether you need help with a problem or just need someone to listen, find someone who will be there to positively reinforce and support you. If stress becomes chronic, don’t hesitate to seek the help of a therapist.

Book a consultation today with Stefanie.  Call 612-386-4864 or book a consultation online.

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